i feel like it

there is something i want to say.

i try and try to write a heartfelt poem but it is too hard.

i try and try to be honest but it is too hard.

i try and try to do well in class and stay focused but it is too hard.

i try and try to keep up with things but it is too hard.

i try and try to make people happy and help them in any way possible but it is too hard.

i try and try to get fairness out of things but it is too hard.

i try and try to stand up for my reputation but it is too hard.

i try and try to be not this or that but it is too hard.

i try and try to satisfy thy needs but it is too hard.

i try and try to look, smell, and sound good but it is too hard.

i try and try to prove people they are wrong but it is too hard.

i try and try to show i am better than what i was before but it is too hard.

i try and try to reason but it is too hard.

i try and try to find a major but it is too hard.

i try and try to make every relationship work but it is too hard.

i try and try to be a better athlete but it is too hard.

i try and try to try and try but it is pointless.

so now i just do what i feel like doing. who ever questions anything i do: i say : “i feel like it” or “i felt like it”

deal with it or go fuck yourself

college application essay answers

December 2007 to February 2008 I was a student worker at State of Oregon in Department of Transportation. I sat at a desk folding letters, putting them into envelops, sort paper work, handle private information and organize anything employees need me to do.

After school I was a varsity volleyball and basketball player for three years. I received an award as the most improved player. I participated in the Deaf Academic Bowl, three years. My two first years, I was elected president class of 2010. I lead my class into fundraisers and guided them in extracurricular activities such as The Carnival and Valentines dance.

Then my last two years I was elected secretary in the Student Body Government. As secretary, I record important details, list complains, participate in discussion, help solve issues, help run and set up dances, give ideas for fundraisers, and do exactly what needs to be done.

I believe we as humans have the need to be loved and give love. Without satisfactory one will be unhappy or feel unwanted. Me, myself and I love to be creative and awaken all senses. I share whatever I can with those who need help or just a spark to spice up their lives.

I want to give every human I meet a hint that they have a purpose to be successful and can achieve anything they put their heart and mind into. I am raised by hearing parents and a Deaf community, both worlds have experiences that are negative and positive. I took all my experiences no matter good or bad and transformed them into beneficial learning experiences.

From there I found true love for writing rhyming poetry, letters, notes on philosophy, and drawing what I see in my mind. Therefore, I want to bring love, happiness and achievement to every environment I interact with. All of these experiences and beliefs is what I will bring to Gallaudet.

Um Kimo

Life has never been so chest swelling nor goose-bump giving until that one day.
what one day, you wonder. what happened that one day, you say.
I will tell you in a unique way.
Life started with a single seed dropped into a hole and covered up.
All was dark and cold. Suddenly fresh crisp water sinks trough the soil.
The water swims happily into the single seed and gives it hope to grow.
Then the sun shines through and brings the seed to life. Growing, growing
and growing stronger each day with water and sun. Until the seed is no longer
a seed, it is a flower. Not just any flower, it is the most pulchritudinous one, one has
ever lived to see. As an amazing flower, it received the surrounding world’s attention.
The flower could not stand the attention, love, gifts, and fame. The flower would
pull away from the crowd whenever it had the chance. The flower could not believe
in its own wondrous beauty, for it felt not right to claim such thing. Until one day in the
distance there was mist. A mist so thick one could not see past the tip of it’s petals. a shadow of a pot came closer and closer. the flower tried to hide its self by playing dead. but the pot was no fool. simply scooped the flower along with its roots and gently placed into it’s body. the flower too terrified to do anything just froze. the pot felt the flower’s fear and felt the need to comfort it. …. to be continued

PIEEE

# 3/4 cup whole-wheat pastry flour (see Ingredient note)
# 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
# 2 tablespoons sugar, plus 1 teaspoon for sprinkling
# 1/4 teaspoon salt
# 4 tablespoons cold butter (1/2 stick), cut into small pieces
# 1 tablespoon canola oil
# 1/4 cup ice water, plus more as needed
# 1 large egg, separated (see Tip; save the white to glaze the pastry)
# 1 teaspoon lemon juice or white vinegar
# 1/4 cup slivered almonds (1 ounce)
# 1/4 cup whole-wheat flour (regular or pastry flour)
# 1/4 cup plus 3 tablespoons sugar or Splenda Granular
# 4 cups mixed berries, such as blackberries, raspberries and blueberries
# 2 teaspoons lemon juice
# 1 tablespoon water
# 2 tablespoons raspberry, blueberry or blackberry jam

1. To prepare crust: Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, 2 tablespoons sugar and salt in a medium bowl. Cut in butter with a pastry blender or your fingers until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs with a few larger pieces. Add oil and stir with a fork to blend. Mix 1/4 cup water, egg yolk and 1 teaspoon lemon juice (or vinegar) in a measuring cup. Add just enough of the egg yolk mixture to the flour mixture, stirring with a fork, until the dough clumps together. (Add a little water if the dough seems too dry.) Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead several times. Form the dough into a ball, then flatten into a disk. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 1 hour.

2. Preheat oven to 425°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper or foil and coat with cooking spray.

3. To prepare filling & assemble tart: Spread almonds in a small baking pan. Bake until light golden and fragrant, about 5 minutes. Let cool. Combine whole-wheat flour, 1/4 cup sugar (or Splenda) and the toasted almonds in a food processor or blender; process until the almonds are ground.

4. Roll the dough into a rough 13- to 14-inch circle on a lightly floured surface, about 1/4 inch thick. Roll it back over the rolling pin, brush off excess flour, and transfer to the prepared baking sheet. Spread the almond mixture over the pastry, leaving a 2-inch border all around. Toss berries with the remaining 3 tablespoons sugar (or Splenda) and 2 teaspoons lemon juice in a large bowl; spoon over the almond mixture. Fold the border up and over the filling, pleating as necessary. Blend the reserved egg white and 1 tablespoon water with a fork; brush lightly over the tart rim. Sprinkle with the remaining 1 teaspoon sugar.

5. Bake the tart for 15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350°F and bake until the crust is golden and the juices are bubbling, 30 to 40 minutes. Leaving the tart on the parchment (or foil), carefully slide it onto a wire rack. Let cool.

6. Shortly before serving, melt jam in a small saucepan over low heat; brush over the berries. Cut the tart into wedges.

Ingredient Note: Whole-wheat pastry flour is milled from soft wheat. It contains less gluten than regular whole-wheat flour and helps ensure a tender result in delicate baked goods while providing the nutritional benefits of whole grains. Available in large supermarkets and in natural-foods stores. Store in the freezer.

Tip: To separate eggs safely: Use an egg separator, an inexpensive gadget found in cookware stores; separating eggs by passing the yolk back and forth between pieces of eggshell or your hands can expose the eggs to bacteria.

DELICIOUS!

# 1 onion, finely diced
# 2 garlic cloves, minced
# 2 bay leaves
# 2 red bell peppers, cored, seeded and finely diced
# 2 tomatoes, halved, seeded and finely diced
# 1/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
# 1 (12-ounce) bottle ketchup
# 1 tablespoon worcestershire sauce
# kosher salst and freshly ground black pepper
# extra-virgin olive oil
# 1 pound ground beef
# 1 pound ground pork
# 3 eggs
# leaves from 2 fresh thyme sprigs
# 3 slices white bread, crusts removed and torn into pieces
# 1/2 cup whole milk
# sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

Preheat the oven to 350 F.

Coat a skillet with a 2-count of oil and place over medium heat. Saute the onion, garlic and bay leaves for a few minutes to a base flavor. Throw in the red peppers and cook them for a couple of minutes to soften. Now add the tomatoes; adding them at this point lets them hold their shape and prevents them from disintegrating. Stir in the parsley, ketchup and Worcestershire; season with salt and pepper. Simmer the relish for 10 minutes to pull all the flavors together. Remove it from the heat; you should have about 4 cups of relish.

In a large mixing bowl soak the bread pieces in the whole milk. Set aside. In a separate large mixing bowl, combine the ground beef with the ground pork and mix well. Squeeze out the milk from the bread and add the bread to mixing bowl. Add the eggs, 1 cup of the tomato relish, and thyme; season with salt and pepper. Mix well with hands. To test, fry a small “hamburger” patty of the meatloaf until cooked; the patty should hold together but still have a soft consistency. Taste the patty for seasoning.

Take a small baking tray and line with parchment paper. Form the meat into a loaf shape on the tray and top with another 1/2 cup of the tomato relish.

Bake the meatloaf for 1 to 1 1/2 hours until the juices run clear and meat is tender — it should spring back lightly when pressed. Remove the meatloaf from the oven and let it cool a bit before slicing. Serve with the remaining tomato relish on the side.

UGH!!! what the hell am i doing. why do i think about love so much. am i trying to find something relish or something devastating?

i have been having men problems ever since i started liking those creatures. i find a special someone and then not much later another special someone shows up. both want to have more than a friendship with me. i’d give each individual a chance. no matter what. but the more i gave chances the less i actually felt loved or believe what they say. once i had one, he doesnt have one or more of the seven keys to a relationship: faith love respect communication honesty trust happiness. i’d give him 5 days to change. if that doesnt work then bye bye.

i dumped alot of men and the more i dumped the more cold i got. i even got to the point where i felt like i was on top of mount everest! and thats when i realized i had to stop right then and there. it took me a while. as you know old habits die hard. finally i broke loose from that. but i did not know what to do after wards. so i just winged it with whoever whenever, that was bad.

i found my self being tossed around like rag doll. of course the men did not care because they were too damn happy to cuddle & flirt with me. i didnt like the idea of me being a rag doll at all so i took control over myself and began being more BLUNT! and of course that started drama because the boys felt sooo lonely and sad without me in their life. well for their information i never actually left. i’m still here for them but ONLY AS A FRIEND. and yet they have a realllllly HARD time to accept being my friend, they want more than that. too bad im goona be as stubborn and blunt until they understand me more than 100%. and (laughs) why should i give a guy, who doesnt respect my words, a chance? hahaha never. if they wanna play a game of tag, i;ll go get my taser gun. =] im sure they’ll see that i dont wanna play. =]

well now that that;s over with. whats next. well here we go again. i just hope i dont do something bad like i did when i let myself become a rag doll. my gosh that was awful. (i admit i liked the attention, but it isnt the kind i need or want) oh oh oh oh!!!! and if you took the time to read this you’re my trueee friend! please please leave your thoughts or any type of comment or if you laughed leave a comment “lol” or something =]]]]]]

Questions that need an answer

Are you in a relationship with anyone?

What’s annoying you right now?

Do you have a certain someone who you can go to when things aren’t so good?

Would you take your last ex back?

What can always put you in a good mood?

What is something you need to go shopping for?

How are you currently feeling?

Do you always answer your phone?

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Is there a difference between love and in love?

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?

Do you miss the way things used to be?

Did you sleep alone last night?

Have you lost friends in the past three years?

What’s something you can’t wait for?

Ever stayed up all night on the phone?

What would you do if you found out your last ex was in a relationship?

Do you have a reason to smile right now?

Do you love your life right now?

Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?

What’s more important to you, good grades or having fun?

Do you think there is someone thinking about you right now?

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

How many people do you have feelings for?

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

Will you kiss anyone tonight?

Where’s your favorite guy?

What do you think of the first person on your top?

Do you believe what comes around goes around?

Have you ever cried from being so mad?

What are you listening to?

Did you ever lose a best friend?

Where will you be two hours from now?

What are you doing tomorrow?

Whose bed did you sleep in last?

Are you happy about anything?

What do you think about your hair right now?

Have you ever kissed anyone with the name starting with a B?

What was the last thing you touched not computer related?

Are you giving up?

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?

Beside you is where i stand
and right below us lays the sand.

The smiles on our faces portray
something brighter than the sun’s ray.
Our surroundings may be open wide
but cannot compare to the gentle sound of the tide.
There is not one worry
Nor feeling like we’re in a hurry.

Our precious time together made
a wondrous memory that shall never ever fade.
The sun may have left the sky
but when the moon shined up so high
i saw for the very first time
that being beside you only happens once in a lifetime.

Sharing such a moment with you
is better than all the other things i do.
Smiling endlessly
laughing occassionally
and better yet talking directly from our mind
and letting our fantasies unwind.

Next time we get together
i hope it could last forever.
but deep down i know
we both have a different path to go.
I shall spare a thought of you
and remember everything we’ve been through.

I am missing your…

warm embrace,
endless flow of love,
seducing words,
smiles that lead to laughter,
sense of humor,
taste&touch of your lips,
attention from your eyes,
clinch of your hands holding mine,
hilarious&general gaucheness,
style of winging it,
unique name with hearts around it,
basically i am missing US

Did You Know…
In my dreams I see your face
In my life i felt your gentle touch
In my room i think of you endlessly
In my car i always thought about parking on your driveway

Yet every time i am…
Out of State i always wished you were beside me but then i am happy you are not
Outside my life i see you occasionally but i can’t return your smile.
Out there in the world full of people, i only recognize you but i do not want to.
Out of everything we have shared and done i really wish you were the one

But you are not….