Just some shit on my mind….

I read an old message from someone i have known more than and been the closest to anyone or anything. All it did was make me clutch my fists, tighten my jaw, tense up as if im about to give someone a beating of their life and stare at the message as if i was going to burn it with my eyes. Soon after, i took a deep breath and relaxed because i knew it is just a part of my past. the only thought in my mind was.. “this dosent surprise me… youre a good-for-nothing-liar…”

May 12

(May 12th 2009) I cant or can I stand this??!! I just ran bec I have soo much energy in me… I need to like scream until my throat hurts or run to Portland nonstop or swim In the ocean and let it push me onto some island and I will be so happy to either die or suffer alive. I keep running… but why… why do I run

(feb 16 2011) that passage above isnt strong enough. i am going to update it!! YAYIES! Cant i or can i withstand this??!! No…because i ran… an energy overwhelmed my senses only to make me take a run. I felt the urge to run to scream till my voice box bursts into a googleian pieces or to swim bare naked in the ocean- letting it give me peace in whatever way it wants. To be stranded on an island so alienated so isolated and so happy to die or live suffering rather than to confront the person i ran from..
mmmm not half as bad… could be better!!!

(feb 7ht 2011) It was all i knew how to- No more running alexis *laughs* its ok to do that physically, but not mentally. Your mind must not be trained to run away. Face it. Conquer it. BE ASSERTIVE! Go to it, let it slice you in the front as you can see it to defend yourself or attack. Do not wait till it creeps up from behind and surprises you with fresh stabs and more to follow. Get armored up, sleep well, eat well, live life, and learn. If you want to scream- DO IT: scream. You control your actions, feelings, and thoughts– start getting selfish. Yes, selfishness can be bad, only if you pass the limit. Do what makes you happy and then you can make others happy as well. you know this ,alexis, you know this well. Walk the walk lady! You know what happened last night, therefore you know whats NOT going to happen later in life. Bear this in mind– You are Alexis Lucia Reyna, you make the calls, you choose how & what to gain or lose– y o u a r e g o i n g t o b e w h a t y o u m e n t a l l y w a n t t o b e ! ! ! ! !

My Clumsy Flick

Somebody please crack open my head
no im not asking to be dead
but im begging you with every plea
please berid of this chemistry!

He is close friends with my ex
who knows whats next?!
he loves in a girl back in florida
to this i tell myself “NO DUH!”
even with these facts
im hooked by the way he acts
so naturally
so randomly
makes my heart beat feel so heavy
yet so fucking steady!
ugh i hate that i feel this way
please make it all go away!

Wrapped by You

How you’d hug me ain’t just a thing.
How you’d hold me means something.
To hear your breaths and your sighs,
I swear to life time just flies.
All it took was a shake or nod,
Oh so help me God.

You aren’t just any guy,
That I’d let walk on by.
To hold you close for a long while
does more than make me smile
leaves me hanging for the rest of the day
leaves me with nothing to say
only things to think about
and i cant back out.
This is the mark you left on me
And makes me not want to be free.

Beeeeecauuuuuuuse!!

How you’d hug me ain’t just a thing,
How you’d hold me means something.
To hear your breaths and your sighs,
I swear to life time just flies.
All it took was a shake or nod,
Oh so help me God!

I would love to call you mine,
Not because you are fine-
Its the way you make me feel,
And the way you’re being real.
You make me laugh so naturally,
Now I so don’t want to be free.

Beeeeecauuuuuuuse!!

How you’d hug me ain’t just a thing,
how you’d hold me means something.
To hear your breaths and your sighs,
I swear to life time just flies.
All I want is it be true,
and only be wrapped by you.

November 1 2010

Alexis Lucia Reyna

funny pick up line

you smell better than when my dad farts
you taste better than pop tarts
you look cuter than downssydrome
and because of all this i wanna take you home

Lost in a Vacity.

This sudden emptiness,

abruptly awakens my awareness.

Piercing it with a knife,

and vacillating my precious life.

the world feels like a violently swinging mace,

while speaking words cannot fall into place.”

by Alexis Reyna =]

Willow Tree

 

Under a WIllow tree

is where i really wish to be.

The gentle wind blows

moves the leafs as it comes and goes.

Beneath the sun’s rays is so warm

away from any harm.

like Angels for Demons (lexis + banana)

whats a matter with you

does it look like i’ve been torn in two?

NO!!!

how much lower could you go?

my heart has never divided

because you’ve never been invited!

i’ve never asked you to stay

so why dont you just walk away?

oh i see you  cant let me go

because you turly love me so.

sorry but our relationship fell apart

and i ripped out your heart,

Carelessly threw it into the sea

so why cant you just let me be?!

Hello world!

how odd… I finally decided to EDIT this in 2011. theres a reason behind this. this reason you will not know. only i. only me. only myself. LET LIFE ROLL ON!!!!!!! **CRY OF WAR** F U L L S P E E D A H E A D ! ! ! !
and as for your inability to view my posts. im not sorry for hiding them from you =) live moves on you kno? so should you.